Have you ever put off getting back into the dating scene because you are not at your perfect weight? Do you feel like men treat you differently based on your dress size?
I came across this short video of Neicy Nash in a casual and authentic discussion with women of all sizes and I knew I wanted to share it with my Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much community.
I’d love to hear what you think and please share any of your love-life and weight challenges with me either privately by emailing me at askcolette@colettebaronreid.com or publicly in the comments section below.
Love and blessings,
Colette Baron-Reid
Intuitive Counselor
The bottom line is: Are you judging yourself, or others, for size? I have been on both sides of the scale, and everyone deserves respect, and compassion. If you are heavy and you are judging slender people, you need to understand that you are doing to them what you do not want them doing to you, just in reverse. Accept and really truly love yourself, and you will not need to judge others. Acceptance on ALL sides, of all sizes, is true LOVE. Taking care of your health and your body comes from love, not pain or fear.
totally agree thanx for writing!!
Hi, i do not have a real date for several years now. Before i was married and than divorced 5 years before the only date i had was with my husband.
I am in love with my doc but i would never say a word to him because i am afraid of my weight, or feel ashamed for it…. also he or someone else said something about it i am always afraid that they will dont like me because i look like an hippo…. thats my fear and its such a powerful thought that i would notbe able tomeet a man right now…
i tried several times to loose my weight, but everytime i get stressed i eat everything i can reach…. 🙁
i think the problem is not what the others think about you, it is the way you think about yourself….
you know I totally relate to you as I have been slim and super heavy, and felt that I always had to wait til I was slim to be loveable. Read my book Weight Loss For People Who Feel Too Much. I think it will really help you.You’re absolutely right my dear its how we think about ourselves that’s most important. LOve yourself a little today xooxoxo you’re beautiful
I think dating is more difficult when you are heavy. I have been battling my weight my entire life. Looking back, I was actually not that heavy. I started at 9 (I was in dance) and am now about to turn 35. I have dated many different types of men, but always have the voice in the back of my head doubting if the guy really likes me or if it is some kind of joke. Unfortunately, I have had men make fun of me because of my weight, which feeds this doubt about myself. Also, there are many men that have been attracted to me, but will not date me because of my weight. I just have to remind myself that he probably wasn’t the right person for me then. Regardless, it’s difficult. I know thinner women have issues to, but being at a higher weight brings an additional set of challenges when you are dating, in my experience and opinion.
Colette…I was thinking about getting your book. Last year I gained 17 pounds without changing anything. I know my emotions were in upheaval and I was so relieved to hear you speak about this at the Divine Wisdom Retreat! Thank you for sharing your story!
My weight totally affects my love life but I think it’s mostly related to confidence. I am more confident when I weigh less. More men seem to be attracted to me when I am smaller. So, is it really size or what I
feel on the inside? If I could be ok with that, I’d be set!!
Q. Have you ever put off getting back into the dating scene because you are not at your perfect weight?
A. Yes, for seven years now and counting. Not because of what I think a man will think of me, but because I’m not comfortable in my own skin and level of fitness. I want to be with a man who takes care of himself, works out and is healthy inside and out. Since this physical health aspect in a partner is important to me, then I believe that I myself need to “be” what I desire in a partner; a fit healthy person from the inside out. This does not mean I need to be a “perfect” size, but there is a point for me where my sensuality comes alive. When I gain too much weight, I experience a disconnect with the sensual part of myself because my body doesn’t feel good. But when I get to a certain weight/size and below, I start to get my “groove” back. There’s definitely something to getting your groove back.
Q. Do you feel like men treat you differently based on your dress size?
A. Absolutely. When I have my groove on, when I feel sexy, my type of men notice me. When I’m heavier and disconnected from myself and my inner sensual me and I don’t feel as good physically, then the type of men I prefer do not notice me because I’m not emanating health and sexual confidence.
As always, it’s not about the men, it’s about me. When I’m ready to open myself up again I’ll get to that groove size and attract my sexy guy. I love me as a person, and I know I make an awesome partner. I just still have some heart healing to do still. Once I do a bit more mending on the inside, then I’ll be ready to get active and healthy, and physically fit again on the outside and attract my awesome guy…
I can say I have been on both sides of the scale as well. I gained a little weight back but now heading to the gym again because I feel better with less weight. I think even though I have a sensitive body I get frustrated because when I lost my weight quickly and have loose skin from it. In my past relationships it has affected my intimacy with partners now. I can’t seem to get past that complex. I can’t stand my own stomach. I recently took up belly dance because of a broken relationship. I love it. It’ such a very feminine dance and very grounding for me. I love the costumes and get deeply sad that and depressed at times that I really want to wear those beautiful costumes but because of my stomach it bothers me. When I go on dates this often affects me, will I physically disgust them? as I had one boyfriend in the past who told me so. I often say I would like to meet a partner who accepts me for me but trying to feel good about my body it’s very hard for me at times. I’ve been told not to do a tummy tuck if I want children because then it’s wasted work. I want a family in my future, but as for finding the right partner, it’s hard. I’ve been told I have such a cute and attractive face but it’s like the rest of me is something else, I can get away with hiding my stomach with clothes but I just don’t know what else to do. I have chosen to be alone in some ways because of it, and I am setting myself up for disappointment cause I am doing it to myself but I can’t say that I am not afraid because I am.
Colette,
Thank you for sharing the video. It was entertaining and beneficial to watch. I found the connection to loving self and the type of men that the lady in the purple dress attracted interesting. However, being a law student, there are so many beautiful women. How am I supposed to channel positive energy, even if as a size 12, I am the largest woman in the room? Also, how do I get the person I am closest to, to notice me, if he is interested in size 4 women?
Has anybody here ever watched “Shallow Hal?” I think it’s a great movie with a message that everyone should watch..
That being said. I can tell you I’m not sure if it’s a biological or natural instinct for men (and women do this too..) to judge more harshly based on looks and only right away to be attracted and want to date women who are fit and not overweight. Scientists, biologists, anthropologists all have answers of why genetically we seek out physically fit partners or why men love women with large breasts, etc. and it’s about health, their biology,etc. just like what women prefer in men that are tall, etc. as it signals high levels of testerone so he’s healthy and with women those with larger breasts is a signal of a healthy female with high levels of estrogen.
But, what they don’t take into account however is even though that is on the surface and we all have those instincts we all feel connections I believe that go on beyond that..yes, we are always going to be sexually attracted to other people, fantasize about other people and perhaps don’t have the “perfect” person but that is how our human brain works. However, I think our society, culture, and media adds to this distorted thinking which makes everyone feel that they aren’t enough.
I can talk from experience..being overweight I had perhaps a few men very few that wanted to date me (like 2 or 3) and now I can tell you not being as large I get treated much better by men and others…as well as a sexual interest or to date or be around. I think we are biologically pre-dispositioned to be like this but we every human being as the Buddha says deserves their love and respect.
I also think though that our brains and souls are advanced enough to want more than just that and we can be attracted to people and love for varying reasons.
The thing that hurts is that I was advised not to date a particular guy because of his looks even though I was instantly attracted to him..there was something about him and he had things I had actually wrote down I wanted in a man and made a funny request to the angels about having him come right through the front door. He asked me out but I was too afraid to say yes do to my issues with not thinking I was good enough,etc. I could see he felt something right away too but people also made assumptions he just wanted to be with me for my looks but that was not the case and then others assumed he for his money which I wasn’t aware of at the time that he had money. I was attracted to how respectful he was, how he was the only guy to offer help when I needed it when I was trying to put something together, and he was very gentle, sensitive, shy..musically inclined and a whole other things like being family oriented, into books,etc. I found him also physically attractive even though a lot of women and other people were saying, you are too good looking for him, he’s ugly,etc. It really hurt me deeply. Romance/love/dating is not just an exterior thing….
It’s sad how we are brainwashed to a degree when it comes to love, dating..that if you look like this or that then you aren’t allowed to date or want love..how does that add up? Every person is entitled to love irregardless if they are quote on quote hot, good looking, etc. I don’t think it’s fair but we tend to judge each other very harshly as many struggle with self-love….so how do we overcome that? We have to learn to accept and love but it’s easier said then done because I struggle with it everyday.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for this video!! I have been overweight & yoyo since the birth of my son 18 years ago! That’s a long time & I still struggle. I know most of it’s in my head; I’m my worst critic. It totally affects dating. I thought it was a secret until I saw your video. I felt exposed & guess what? I NEED it!
I am working on the inside because in reality weight has nothing to do with it. I am only who I am & I do like who I am. Thank you so very much.
Always a work in progress.