Glitter is always an Option (a hodgepodge of thoughts on losing a friend while life goes on)!

Dear Colette,

What a strange feeling I get when I read this! My mother passed last Oct 25th and I buried her on All Saints Day, which was truly significant to me because I had to fight for it with the Catholic church she attended, but I was determined to have her service and burial that day and not Halloween or All Souls Day ( oddly for the reason that in the Catholic church it is the day of remembrance of all “lost souls” & my mother was not that) because she was truly my saint even though she and I didn’t communicate in the same language as far as our individual spiritual understanding, I understood loud and clear what I had to do. This time, this year, I am feeling so alone and so strongly overwhelmingly emotional but I am just trying to allow this for myself right now as a way to grow, it is difficult but I know that “it is what it is” for some grander cosmic reason that may be beyond my understanding at this time.

I did my daily cards and felt truly messaged by Spirit today and want to thank you for the community you have created here. If for nothing else, when friends are not available as they happen to be this particular weekend for me, I have something to go to in a way to just get me started on dealing with some of these issues within me that others, even if available, may or may not understand or relate to.

I have become a little obsessed with life after death since my mothers passing and am very much in the process of exploration on this subject but not sure why. Is is because I fear my own death? Is this normal for my age of 57? Am I going crazy? Well if I am, I hope to do so in a way that is mutually beneficial to myself and others if it can at all assist us in any way to evolve for our best and highest purpose what ever that may be. I ask for assistance from my angels and spirit guides daily to guide me to my highest and best purpose for this day, each and every day. It is all I know how to do right now, and to try to just stay in the now, while at the same time engaging my creativity & imagination so as not to become too routine or boring as I find it can be sometimes.

I enjoyed the “glitter is always and option” and relate intimately with the Organizational approach to dealing with the tough stuff.

Thank you.

Kindly,

xOx ~ Mindy

Hi from New Zealand, and thankyou for your insights. My mother passed a few months ago in England. I feel sad, and guilty. She had lived very near us in NZ for 5 yrs and then when we decided to go and live in Australia again with a view to making it a permanent option, she decided she would return to the UK where my sister lives and many of her friends, although they were passing one after another as happens at the grand ages of over 85. When she got ill, and eventually had to go into care, i felt so very guilty for not leaping onto a plane from NZ as we had returned as i got the big “C” in Oz, and just needed to return after the year of grueling treatment. I have insurmountable trouble with agoraphobia especially in airports and used the excuse of lymphoma (which i had) to not travel to her. My husband absolutely put his foot down about me not going because of the intolerable stress it would have incurred – but i still feel really terrible that I wasn’t there for her when she needed me most. Guilt is an awful thing to live with. I feel she understood as i phoned her every single day even when she was drifting in and out with morphine, and i treasure those calls. After she passed and I knew when it happened because her favorite flowers have always been gardenias, and I was surrounded for some seconds with the unforgettable smell of those flowers even though there were none around. I pray this means she understands and is still with me in spirit. Thankyou for reading of my loss, if you do, and i wish you peace and love in your loss of your good friend. Love you Jenny x

Hey Collette, I was so touched by your expression of how you are dealing with the loss of a dear friend that I found myself crying halfway through your post. I lost my husband about 20 months ago. It was a suicide. I have three children and have in some ways almost subdued my reaction – so aware of how my falling apart might add even more instability to their lives. Now, after all these months, I have had in the last few weeks a tsunami of sadness, overwhelm, and grief. So much for putting off the inevitable. I do have a very strong faith and knowing that he is still around – just in spirit, and I have read many books on death and the other realms where spirit abides. I find myself crying off and on throughout the day. I am just allowing myself – finally – to feel. I also am pretty aware that this is a time when I am supposed to be in the world on my own terms and not as a part of a couple. So, I feel I am blessed with much understanding, which I thought for a while could help me transcend the tragedy without too much grief. Now I am realizing that the initial months were just me being in shock, and now the work begins to first feel the loss of all the expectations I had for us for our future together, and second to reinvent myself…..this was not something I envisioned doing at 65. Your post has given me such insight and comfort. I love your sense of humor and carefree way of relating your experiences. It reminds me to laugh more and appreciate each moment. I know our loved ones are cheering us on from the other side….they certainly would want us to enjoy our time here even though they are not present in the physical. Thanks for all your inspirational messages….and the card decks you share are amazing! I always get such wise insights from them. Thanks so much for sharing yourself with all of us.

I lost my Mom back in 2002. I miss her each and every day. The older I get, the more I understand where she was coming from as she got older. I understand her fears, her sorrows, and the little things that brought her happiness. So here I am now, age 65, retired, living with my two feline roommates (also females – it’s a girls only club) and I have also recently moved. I have downsized with a capital D and after a month I am still rearranging and finding the best flow for my things. More than that, I am giving myself the gift of silence and the time to really sit and talk to her the way I should have talked to her while she was still here with us, although towards the end she became first paranoid, then depressed, then … gone. This time of year I feel her presence when I am pulled to getting out my knitting needles and crochet hooks and loving the feel of yarn in my hands, the skills my mother taught me that makes me feel so very connected to her. I love that you are taking your friend shopping with you. I sit with my needlework and ask her hands to guide mine, and perhaps as I stitch she might share some wisdom with me. It still makes me sad, but it finally does give me peace.

Dear Colette:
My ex-husband passed away this year, leaving behind his six children and two ex-wives, as well as his remaining siblings and his father. There was so much turmoil surrounding his death because of so many hard feelings he had conjured up while he was living. He was barely on speaking terms with any of his children, despite how much (I think) he loved them, and there was more or less a brawl between his siblings and the children over what to do with his remains. It was literally all I could do to hold that protected space for my children and step children so that they, the legal heirs, could have their say. They were rewarded by having the aunts and cousins steal their father’s most valuable belongings: the artwork he created, our wedding rings, etc. To be able to just stay at peace was difficult. My children were not even invited to their father’s funeral service.

We will be going out to distribute his ashes in the mountains in December, divide the last of his belongings, and put him to rest. I created an altar for Dia de los Muertos to honor his presence in our lives, for all that he did teach us, for all that he did love, and each of my children did the same at their homes. What else can you do besides honor the good things, remember the lessons learned, and move forward with as much grace and dignity as you can muster?

I am sorry for your friend’s passing, but it sounds as if you can carry her memory joyfully with you, and that is just lovely. Many blessings to you and thank you for all your messages of hope.

Ellen

Hi Colette , every day when I awake or go to sleep, I ask what is my purpose is here . I lost my son Dustin on July 31 /2012 2 weeks after his 18 birthday. Life around me continues to rush by as I seem to stand still. There have been signs that he is with me and I am so grateful for them but it’s like an addiction I keep wanting more! I’m grateful for my family here but also for my faith in the other side . If it wasn’t for that I’m not sure how I would function. So I continue to move forward doing the things that are required to move thru each day always praying to my angels for inner strength and guidance and the ability to listen .

I had the pleasure of being in the audience when you were taping your show in Toronto. Even with all the make-up needed for TV, you still had a youthful look. I would have never thought you were over 50. As long as you keep physically active, I believe you will maintain that youthful appearance – with or without make-up.

YEO COLETTE. SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSE. MY ONLY BROTHER AN FAVORITE UNCLE JUST LEFT FOR OUR REAL HOME LAST WEEK TOO. BE STRONG COLETTE , I BELIEVE IN ALL YOUR BELIEVES , FOR 76 YEARS NOW ( if you remember my dad an his chickadee story ) WE ARE ALWAYS TELLING OUR FRIENDS AN FAMILY HOW IT ALL WORKS . NOW ITS OUR TURN TO KEEP BELIEVING , AS I AM VERY SURE YOU DO BUT IT STILL HURTS ON THE INSIDE . TAKE CARE DON

Thank you Collette for this timely message. My mother died last year and slowly–in stages–I have been lovingly and respectfully going through all her beautiful collections, decorations, and clothing (she loved Quacker Factory clothing and the “glitter”). It is a time of joy, sadness, and moving forward. My mother was a beautiful joy-filled person… and my best friend. I felt her strength this past weekend.

Greetings Collette,
How very timely your message. Our very cherished friend for the past 35 years, passed on Oct. 26, very unexpectedly, though peacefully. I received the call a week ago today from his wife, who we also cherish. Alg was in his 62nd year and was up at the cottage with his two adult sons and best friend, closing up for the season. They enjoyed the day fishing, eating and just being together. He went to sleep and never awoke. The beauty in this is that he departed this earthly world in the place that was his favourite spot in the whole world.
His visitation was on Hallowed Eve and church service the next day on All Soul’s Day. The evening of Nov. 1, I lit a special handmade angel candle to light his way on his journey home to Source. I shall miss his physical presence and great big bear hugs and so many other ways he touched my Spirit, yet he lives always in my Heart memories, and I know he lives with us still in the beauty of Nature and All That Is. With the coming full moon on Thurs. I shall surely connect with Alg, as we were typically in psychic synch during this lunar phase.

First, I am so sorry to learn about your beautiful friend’s passing. No matter what our beliefs are, it hurts when they pass. I feel this is a safe place to share experiences, especially when others like you are gifted. I’ve always had some extra psychic ability which ranges in a variety of levels (sensory, hearing some feeling). Anyway, 15 years ago my Mom was admitted to the CCU unit of a hospital an hour away from where we lived. She had just turned 80 and after many years of smoking had managed to give it up permanently 10 years beforehand. However, the damage was done to her circulatory system. When my husband and I arrived at the hospital, she commented to me that she thought she waited too late to seek medical help and doubted if she would get out of the hospital. I didn’t want to hear that possibility and tried to re-assure her that whatever was wrong was conquerable. I learned that she had pneumonia and there were issues involving the heart and overnight they had placed her on a respirator to help her breathe. Her condition continued to deteriorate and while she was conscious, she was not able to speak but she had been asked prior to admission what to do and we had that dreaded document with us. Well, to make a long story short, I had to make the decision to remove the respirator as her body was shutting down. Prior to that, I was talking with my Mom telling her I loved her and that we would be ok. I asked her to let me know she was around. I was an only child so I was doing my best to make arrangements and the next two weeks were a blur. I had returned home from work one day which had been clearly a rough day of emotions and was preparing a roast for dinner. At that time we lived in a small bungalow house and there were a number of bouquets of flowers near the window in the dining room ready to be pitched but I was too wrapped up in grief to do the simple things. The flowers were long gone and no scent or pretty petal could be detected on them. As I went to the kitchen which butted up against the dining room where the flowers were, I opened the oven door and instead of smelling a roast, the whole room suddenly smelled of fresh flowers. Since this was my first time experiencing such an event, I was immediately thinking it was the flowers from the other room and yet I knew that wasn’t possible. Tears of happiness rolled down my face as I knew my Mom was the one who had sent the flowers. At that same time I was learning Reiki and my instructor confirmed what I had suspected. (I could write a book over my experiences but will limit my post to this one). My husband and I were also waking up at 2:30 a.m. every morning and while we would go to bed exhausted, we would both wake from a sound sleep. I consulted Valerie, my Reiki instructor and learned that the reason why we were waking was my Mom wasn’t ready to move on and was worried about us. We were asked if it would be ok for her to hang around and said yes. A few weeks later, I consulted my friend and learned that there were 5 beings of light around my Mom and one of those beings wanted to make his presence known to me. Valerie described him as wearing an outfit that was clearly too small and had a cap on his head. She couldn’t see his face but asked if I knew who that was. Valerie didn’t know anything about my family but I have a picture of my Dad at the age of 7 attending a Catholic boarding school in Canada and that image was what was being projected. My Dad had died 30 years prior to my Mom’s passing. For the next two years I would be blessed with the scent of flowers for about 18 months. Sometimes it would be on the bus, another time between a co-worker and myself. I simply never knew and I didn’t say anything to anyone other than my husband or Valerie. My husband is an engineer and prior to being with me, would have simply said didn’t believe as there wasn’t any scientific proof. However, he has since changed his position and no longer questions anything I sense. I recently learned of a friend of ours having a re-occurrence of breast cancer in her other breast after being cancer free for 15 years. She will begin radiation shortly and we’re all hoping for a great outcome since it has been caught early. I will be helping by giving her Reiki and doing whatever I can to help. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend. Hugs, T

oh ya Colette i have moved so many times i don’t even know what i have anymore… would love to have it all reorganized in a “permanent” home…. but nowhere i have ever lived feels like that… Oh good, nice to know about your Aries husband not making the bed (i’m Aries too and i don’t either, but i do go for the 1200tc egyptian cotton sheets… lovely!!
Ya, the most annoying thing about people checking out is you don’t get to see them in the physical again… pretty much my whole tribe has checked out, and it left me feeling like, why am i the only one left here? guess i’m not done yet.. anyway, they still “pop in ” from time to time – i remember when my brother checked out, it was some holiday and i was in the kitchen and i could hear him clear as day (he always showed up for food) what are you making, are you making kugelis etc etc… noooo, besides you’re dead anyway, you can’t have any… some things never change…. Ya, also remember asking a lady what she did on facebook – oh i keep in touch with my family… i said, oh most my family is on the Other Side, i should just have a seance… 🙂
Colette, they are just a thought away xoxo 🙂

Hi Collette. I just wanted to comment on all the synchronicities I noticed in the reading for this week!! It definitely does not go unnoticed by me when these happen. Just last night I pulled a couple of cards from two of your other oracle decks that I have and movement came up! Yay! I like moving forward. And the Eagle seemed so significant as many things having to do with eagles have shown up for me this whole past week. Over and over. I love it! Thank you for all you do!

Dear Colette,
Please accept my sympathies in the passing of your dear friend. Even when we know we will see them again eventually, it is so very difficult to be left behind.

Three years ago this past June 7th, I lost my soul mate suddenly to a heart attack. We had been together from our very first date, a total of 14 months, 4 days and 30 minutes. Our birthdays were only 32 days apart and the same year. In that time, we only had 2 disagreements – one on my part, one on his, both quickly and quietly resolved by heart to heart conversations. He was a brilliant man – an extremely rare combination of Geek and Macho. He shot guns, had a concealed weapons permit (which he explained on our first date with the promise that as long as I was with him, he would protect me) and rode a Harley Davidson Ultra-glide that he’d custom painted himself. He was an electronic engineer and designer and had his own company, plus 3 patents to his credit. The heart attack wasn’t supposed to happen – I’d nursed him through open heart surgery only 8 months prior.

At 12:30am, June 7, 2011, my life as I knew it ended. Because we weren’t married and he had no will, I was homeless and his assets went to his 30 year old daughter. I moved out of our home 2 weeks later, placing my belongings in a friend’s garage and borrowing a room in their house. That summer, I held 2 large sales to dispose of most of my stuff. I didn’t really care at that point and without my daughter and grandson, I would have walked out the door, closed it behind me and disappeared. It was the darkest period I’ve experienced so far in my life.

In the years that have passed, I’ve very slowly emerged from the black hole of grief that almost killed me. I’m still recovering, but I’ve remarried a wonderful man from Scotland and am privileged to call Scotland “Home” now. My great-great-grandmother was born here and to visit has been a lifelong dream. I never in my wildest dreams expected I’d be able to live here. My husband has made it possible for me to retire and spend my time pursuing my hobbies and learning new things. I’m slowly putting the “new” me together and learning a new path. I still miss my love every day and look forward to the time we are re-united, but my life is good. I have so much to be thankful for, and have learned so many lessons along the way. For the first time in my adult life, I feel free to be Me.

Life is such a mixture of sadness, joy, light, dark, peace, chaos. All we can do is hang on, keep learning and walk our paths one step at a time to the best of our ability. Thank you for your part in my journey. Blessings.

I teared up when I read this, and was drawn to share…..my soul sister Deb, passed thru the veil Aug 2008. We were called the Bobsy Twins, even though 5 yrs apart to the day less 1. She often drops in on me, I know that for I start to miss her…it’s the ability to ring her and tell her about my now very adventurous life that I miss, but whenever I cook figs with Brie or blue cheese wrapped in prosciutto she is with me…yes we both loved food and cooking and that was a favourite dish for the both of us and I honor her whenever I cook it. The love we shared the wonderful fun we had never leaves….. I know she is with me, but I would give anything to be able to ring her and give her an update and hear her thoughts.

Dear Colette: Thank you for this magical site. I love picking a daily oracle card and tuning into the realm of Spirit. Your weekly Universal Energies reading is always filled with inspiration for me.
The little gem that jumped out at me today was “Stimulate the web and watch the magic happen”.
Blessings to you and I’ll bet your new home will be fabulous and welcoming. (I know about Cancer people) ( :
With warmest Aloha,
Nancy

7/6/48
I have been studying energy work for 7 years now. I am a reiki master and 6th level student of Shamanism-I volunteer 3 hours a week at a local hospice facility. I love what I do. I’ve prayed with patients, helped with the fear of passing to the other side. It’s been an honor to be asked to bathe a patient who has just passed.
I feel with my training, and intuitive abilities and the knowing that most patients have one foot in the human world and one in the spiritual that I can be of greater assistance then others.
Sorry for the loss of your friend. Moved to Virginia Beach over 30 years ago because of Edgar Cayce

Oh Colette,
Do I ever understand! That sadness ripping at your heart while you continue to do the mundane things in life. The joy and gratitude for what was and sadness of what no longer is razor-sharp-close together! Ow! It really can make you feel like you’re losing it as you do the splits between the two worlds. Good luck. I know I would have loved Angie!

Hi Colette
Greetings from Finland.
Just a short note to thank you for the joy and insights your cards and your blog give me and to send you support in your loss. As beautiful as life is, and as thankful I am for it, sometimes it’s just a b..ch. Your friend sound like a beautiful, wonderful soul that everyone who met her will miss.

For me the loss isn’t in people passing to “the other side” but in a sense of change, letting go of beliefs and trying to be secure in the “not knowing”. As people come and go in and out of my life, I’m trusting that there always will be new or old friends to share laughter and tears with but it doesn’t make this period less trying. I’m so happy this weeks message is more positive.
Lots of love

Hi Colette. Thank you for this week’s blog. It puts it all in perspective. I had a great loss a little over 2 years ago. At the time – devastation. As time has gone on and I have come back to spirituality and finding people like you to help me through I have grown and become accepting of what has happened and that it is all part of my journey. At times testing, at other times uplifting and at other times down right hard to get through but I do. This year’s anniversary was not one of sorrow or sadness but pure rememberance and joy for the time we had, no tears just time spent with people I love and lots and lots of butterflies everywhere. It was a very special day. I talk to him often and I don’t care if people think I am mad as I know he hears me judging by the huge white feather I had on my lawn on Sunday – his earthly birthday. I feel that I have become more accepting and know now “death” is not the end, but a phase in our life to be continued in the spirit world. I love my life, including the tough lessons although at the time I may not see it and get myself in a dither and faith slips. I find it’s all about hanging on and embracing what comes my way, trying not to obssess (sometimes difficult), because in the end the Universe is sending it to me for a reason. Good luck with the unpacking and thanks for being you!!! xx

Hey Colette! Condolences to you. I have not lost any close friends as yet, and I am NOT looking forward to that, at all! (I did lose my sister to suicide, and that was brutal). Even if we know that our souls go on and we are eternal, it does suck not to be able to reach our loved ones over there. however, I do love when my guides and sister give me “tickles/spider touches” around my head, … and sometimes down my neck and arms…
I love using your cards, and the course was so helpful. But I digress. I wanted to mention 2 books, (this one is especially for you, MINDY), called Journey of Souls, and Destiny of Souls, by Michael Newton. My very close friend, who is spiritual, exceptionally psychic, a fantastic therapist, and her guide have indicated that these books really give an accurate account of what it is like on the Other Side.
God Grant me the Serenity…. and please God, make sure those on the other side know when NOT to peek at us!
hahaha lol Alex

So sorry for the loss of your dear friend Colette. Even with the deep understanding of the Universe we live in it is never easy to give up and let go of the ones we love whether in life or in passing. At least there is some salvation in the memories that linger behind. You know she is forever in your heart and there in that moment when you find yourself smiling for reasons shared only between the two of you. Thinking of you. Pat

Hi Collette,

My deepest sympathies about your friend. I too felt compelled to make a comment as my Dad passed away on the 1st of Spring this year from the big C and the grieving and getting on with life has been challenging at times. He has given me plenty of signs like cats showing up from nowhere to sit on my lap or cats walking outside my garden, especially in the 2 weeks between his passing and the funeral. (He was a Leo, like me, and loved cats)

Reading The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying was a tremendous help in helping me be the best I could be with Dad in his last days and to understand that death was more a rebirth to the next realm, especially since his physical body was no longer serving him. It felt like I was at a birth when he took his last breath with his family all around and I love how it was on the first day of Spring!

Anyways, it is now a question of what to do with his ashes as he didn’t leave us any instructions. I have thought of seeking a medium to contact him, maybe even you Collette. What would you suggest from your experience on this kind of matter?

Infinite Love and Gratitude, Sandy